“Can I hold my baby too much?”
It’s the number one question I get from my clients postpartum.
”Am I allowed to hold my little one while she sleeps?”
”I just want to snuggle him, but I know I should put him down.”
”Will I damage her with all this attention and love?”
It kind of breaks my heart.
Why are we telling new parents to override their wishes and their instincts, for the idea of their child’s imagined, future independence? Somehow, the idea has come round again in our culture (after some decades of more common sense) that we will damage our children’s independence by holding and soothing them in infancy.
Well, my friends. That’s malarky.
This isn’t the 1950s, and you aren’t Betty Draper.
Here are the facts: holding and soothing our infants stimulates their brain development. And an attached child is more likely to grow into an independent young person, venturing away from the safety of the nest when they are able and the time is right.
So, the short answer is NO, you cannot hold your baby too much—not for your baby, anyway.
They need to be close. And it’s essential for them, and the secure and well-adjusted adults that they’ll become. But here’s the flip side:
You’re also allowed to put your baby down.
Need a break? Not feeling particularly cuddly yourself at the moment? Want to reacquaint yourself with your own independence?
It’s OK! Your baby can be snug and safe in her bassinet while you sleep or have your shower or even just remind yourself that your arms can be for other things as well, like…making coffee, or stretching, or putting around another adult, for a change.